Measuring Sticks

Wise parents understand that we should not "compare" one child to another.  However, wise parents also watch, listen and learn from other wise parents and sometimes we can fall into a trap.  Sometimes we can take the measuring stick that others use for their children to measure our own children.  

I've been caught in this trap.  

While there are important child rearing principles which should be taught to all children:  honesty, obedience, respect, hard work, kindness;  we must be careful to appropriately choose the expectations we set upon each child.  When inappropriate expectations are placed upon a child, both the child and the parent will become discouraged.  This is especially true for children with unique or "special" needs.  I've seen this at home with my children, and in working with other children through teaching in school and church settings.

-When I see my friend's child come the first time she is called.....and I have to give a 5 minute, 3 minute, and 1 minute warning to transition to dinner or bedtime or the grocery store.....;  I sometimes wonder, "What am I doing wrong?" "Why does my child not respond like other children?"


-When I hear my friend's child accept correction without responding with a self loathing rage;  I sometimes wonder, "Why can't my child be teachable?" OR "Am I not building my child's self esteem enough?"


-When I children easily wear socks, puts their shoes and church clothes on happily and gets in the car for church without crying; I sometimes wonder "Why do we have the same battle week after week and how does this child end up walking the church halls barefoot?"

Finding the appropriate measuring stick becomes particularly tricky when you have more than one child.  I remember telling my mom that it was not fair that she punished me differently than my brother.  My mom was wise.  She tried to teach my brothers and me the same lessons of life, but she realize that she needed to apply a different measuring stick to each of us.  My brothers and I are different people.  We have different strengths and have had different experiences in our adult years, but as children we each felt loved and valued for the child we were, because my parents worked hard to set individual expectations for each of us.


So, how do we set our own measuring sticks?


Parents with special needs children need to abandon the idea that their child should be measured against typical developing children.  Most often, a parent of a special needs child will find more comfort and validation (as well as strategies for working with that child) from the pages of a book specifically addressing their child's needs, than from talking to a neighbor they may admire as a parent....unless that neighbor has a child with similar struggles.  I have found trusted recommendations for such books from the websites of support foundations for my children's disorders.


And when you realize that your child and your life will never look or be typical then you will cry tears, dry them, and resolve to find appropriate expectations which will challenge but not frustrate your child and yourself.

How does it work?

This morning was another Neuro-Feedback appointment.

Matt walked in and said, "Dr. Hammond, we have just one question on our minds.....how does it work?"  How does Neuro-Feedback really work?  We know about what he does, but we want to know the HOW.

Dr. Hammond's response:  "We do not know.  We just know the results we get."  And then he proceeded to give more examples of children who have benefitted from Neuro-Feedback.

That's enough for us.....

The Brain Scan Results & The First Two Treatments

It's taken us a few days to process and begin to understand just a fraction of the brain scan results we recieved on Monday.  Above is a picture of just one page of the results.

As you look at this photo you will several different colors.  The colors indicate overactive (red), underactive (blue) and normal (green).  Light green is the middle between blue & green.  Yellow is the middle between green and red--so there are concerns in this areas, but not at great.

It's as if Dr. Hammond painted a picture to the smallest detail of our child without having a personal relationship with our child. For example, by analyzing the brain scan data, Dr. Hammond would say: "it appears that your child is worrying and dwelling on things which I assume is adding to and creating anxiety, because I am seeing a very high level of brain activity between the areas of the brain that control both long and short term memory" or "see this area in 'red,' this is the area controlling physical sensitivities it is also overactive which would lead to your child feeling uncomfortable with how things feel against their body, and this overactivity is requiring your child's brain to overprocess these sensory inputs, which is affecting other areas in the brain--as shown in the correlation between several other areas of the brain being acted upon by this area that controls processing physical sensitivities."

Can anyone make sense of any of that?!

To simplify, this is what we have taken away so far.  Our child's most significant concerns are:

1.  Over sensitivity to sensory inputs recieved through the skin.
2.  The "worry" areas of the brain are rings of fire--over active.
3.  The memory areas of the brain are being greatly affected.

Everything that comes into our child's brain is being processes at least 2 to 4 times--which causes worry, "over thinking" and slow processing.  In other words I've been emotional to realize just how hard our child is working to learn and to function in life.

Dr. Hammond explained that after reviewing the brain scan for our child, these are our child's most important points to focus on first and then we will move to the next areas of concern.

This morning our child completed the second day of Neuro-feedback treatment.  Dr. Hammond targeted the areas of sensory, worry and memory.  An eletrode was placed on the ear and one on the specific point of the brain.  He looked at that area and for simplicity's sake he said something like, "Oh, this area is suppossed to be running at 40 mega hertz per second and it is running at 20 mega hertz."  He would then apply the smallest amount of electricity (less than my cell phone) to that spot to bring the brain waves to 40 mega hertz and hold it there for 5 seconds.  Over time this is to re-pattern the brain impulses in that area to a "normal" more typical pattern.

We are to watch for headaches, fatique or a sudden increase of energy or agitation and report these to Dr. Hammond.  On the first day of treatment our child demonstrated an uncharacteristic goofiness, and playfulness which is uncommon.

We are all trying to settle into a new schedule to accomodate treatment as this requires very early mornings and a total disruption to our family schedule.  It is so worth it, because it means everything just to have hope.